The Sarawak Toilet Association

According to the December 15th 2006 edition of the Borneo Post, Sarawakians in general practice ridiculously low standards of hygiene. According to the report, nearly 50% of people who use the loo don’t wash their hands after the dispensation of fecal matter.

It amused me deeply to imagine the poor people who had to carry out the survey. Perhaps they employed the help of the toilet guardians who collect 20 sen every time you need to take a leak.

Imagine this scene.
Toilet Guardian: Excuse me?
Toilet Goer: What?
Toilet Guardian: You got wash your hand or not?
Toilet Goer: What do you mean wash my hand?
Toilet Guardian: After you go pee pee, you wash your hand or not?
Toilet Goer: Aiyah you, why you care? Siao ah! (and walks away)

The toilet guardian then happily returns to his seat in front of the toilet and adds one more person to the list of people who don’t wash their hands.

Of course, those people who are nice enough to answer the poor toilet guardians’ question as to whether or not they wash their hands receive the kindly reputation of one who DOES wash their hands, whether or not they were lying to begin with.

If you worry about the lack of toilet etiquette among Sarawakians, fear not!
Sarawak has its very own Sarawak Toilet Association!

Although the STA’s main job is to take care of the quality of toilets in Sarawak, it will only be a matter of time before it begins to test the limits of its powers by enforcing ridiculous rules.

I can imagine it now:

New Proposals by The Sarawak Toilet Association

• To have a toilet etiquette exam in school. Students will be marked and graded for
• Whether they flush after they use the bathroom
• Whether they wash their hands afterwards
• Whether the sounds they emit are pleasing to the ear or otherwise
• Whether they wipe from front to back or otherwise (a rule jointly implemented by the Health Ministry to reduce yeast infections among women)
• To have Toilet Etiquette Campaigns to instill the right toilet mentality among Sarawakians so we too can be world class toilet users
  This can be performed by getting politicians or VIPs to sit on toilet bowls and show to all how a toilet is meant to be used (e.g. Front page picture of Borneo Post above)
• Imposing of fines on anyone who does not wash their hands, flush the toilet (no more water in the flush tank is no longer a valid excuse for not flushing) or are unable to make it to the bowl on time.

I’m not saying that the Sarawak Toilet Association is a bad thing or a thing to be laughed at but I truly believe there are more pressing matters the Sarawak Government has to attend to. Surely the councils can undertake the responsibilities of the STA and enforce them (It is their job, after all…). One would be killing two birds with one stone.

Besides, the funding meant for the STA can be channeled to more deserving clubs and associations such as the Anti-Fuckwit Club.